Deaf etiquette: how to get attention, use interpreters and be a good ally

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Many hearing people want to be polite with Deaf people but are unsure what that looks like. The good news is that most of it is common sense once you understand how visual communication works. Here are the basics, along with a little background on Deaf culture.

Deaf with a capital D

You will see both "deaf" and "Deaf". The lower-case form usually describes not hearing. The capital-D form is used for people who identify as members of a Deaf community, share a sign language and see being Deaf as a cultural and linguistic identity rather than only a medical condition. Not every deaf person signs or identifies as Deaf, and many people with hearing loss prefer other terms. When in doubt, use the words the person uses about themselves. Terms such as "deaf and dumb" are widely considered offensive. "Hearing impaired" is accepted by some people and disliked by many in the Deaf community, so "Deaf" or "deaf" is generally the safer choice.

Getting someone's attention

Calling out does not work, and grabbing does not go down well. Instead:

Wave within the person's line of sight.
Tap lightly on the shoulder or upper arm.
In a group or a room, flicking the lights or tapping a table so the vibration travels can be acceptable, depending on the setting.

Approach from the front or side where possible, so you do not startle someone.

Eye contact matters

Sign language is visual, so eye contact is how people show they are following. Looking away while someone is signing can come across as rude, like turning your back on a speaker. If you must look away, say so. When speaking with a deaf person who lip-reads:

face them and keep your face in good light
speak clearly at a normal pace; do not exaggerate or shout
do not cover your mouth, eat or turn away while talking
rephrase rather than repeat the same words if something is not understood

Working with an interpreter

Speak to the Deaf person, not the interpreter. Say "What would you like to order?", not "Ask her what she wants."
Look at the Deaf person, even though the voice you hear comes from the interpreter.
Do not ask the interpreter for their opinion or chat to them during the conversation. Their job is to interpret everything, including side comments.
Pace yourself. Interpreting runs slightly behind speech, so allow time for questions and replies.
Share materials in advance for meetings and talks, so the interpreter can prepare names and terms.
Long or technical sessions may need two interpreters taking turns, because interpreting is tiring.

Everyday courtesy

Never say "never mind" or "it doesn't matter" when a Deaf person missed something. Being left out of conversations is a common, frustrating experience.
Do not pretend to understand. Ask for a repeat, write it down or type it on your phone.
Do not assume someone can lip-read perfectly; lip-reading involves a lot of guesswork.
Do not touch someone's hands while they are signing, or walk between two people signing without a quick apology.
Ask before helping. A Deaf person may have their own preferred way to communicate.

Being a good ally

Learn some sign language, and learn it from Deaf teachers where possible.
Support captions, interpreters and visual alerts at events and in workplaces.
Let Deaf people speak for themselves about Deaf issues.
Remember that one Deaf person does not represent everyone; preferences vary widely.

What Deaf etiquette tips do you wish more people knew? Share your experiences and questions in the comments below.