Meeting someone from a dating app: safety checklist and how to follow up

Before you meet

• Chat for a little while first, but do not wait months. A few days of messages, and ideally a short phone or video call, tells you a lot about whether someone is who they say they are.
• Check they are real. A video call is the easiest check. Many apps also offer profile verification. Be cautious about anyone who repeatedly avoids calls or makes excuses not to meet.
• Look them up lightly. Searching their name or doing a reverse image search on a profile photo can catch fake profiles. You do not need their life story.
• Keep personal details back at first: your home address, workplace details and surname can wait until you have met and feel comfortable.
• Watch for classic scam signs: declarations of love very early, stories of emergencies, or any request for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or "investment" help. Nobody genuine asks a stranger for money. Report these profiles to the app.

Low-pressure first meetings

• coffee, or one drink somewhere you can hear each other
• a walk in a busy park or along a waterfront
• a food market, gallery or bookshop, which gives you things to talk about
• an activity such as mini golf or a casual class, if you both prefer doing to sitting

Safety on the day

1. Tell a friend who you are meeting, where and when, and share their profile. Agree a time to check in.
2. Get yourself there and back. Do not accept a lift from your date or have them collect you from home.
3. Share your location with a trusted friend if your phone allows it.
4. Keep your phone charged and carry a little cash or a card for a taxi.
5. Watch your drink. Buy your own, keep it in sight, and do not finish one that has been left unattended.
6. Trust your instincts. If something feels off, you can leave at any point. You owe nobody the rest of the evening.
7. Many venues have a discreet way to ask staff for help; it is worth knowing that bar staff are generally willing to help someone who feels unsafe.

Keeping the conversation flowing

• Pick up details from their profile or your chat: "You mentioned you'd just been to Busan, how was it?"
• Ask open questions and follow up on the answers rather than working through a list.
• Share as much as you ask, so it feels like a conversation rather than an interview.
• Light, positive topics work best: travel, food, what you are reading or watching, what you are into at the moment.
• Put your phone away, apart from a quick check-in with your friend.

Ending the date

Following up

• A short message the same evening or the next day is normal and welcome: "Thanks for tonight, I really enjoyed it." Waiting a set number of days to seem cool mostly creates confusion.
• If you want a second date, suggest something specific: "There's a night market on Saturday, fancy it?"
• If you are not interested, a brief, kind message is better than disappearing: "I enjoyed meeting you, but I didn't feel a romantic connection. Wishing you the best." It takes thirty seconds and saves them days of wondering.
• If they are not interested, accept it gracefully. One date is very little information either way.

If something goes wrong